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  • Jeff McGee

Kliff Kingsbury was Actually Stoned During the Sunday Night Game vs. the Seahawks

Ok, so I’m a big Kliff Kingsbury fan. The dude straight up fucks. He fucks chicks and he’s a rich fuck boy. He’s probably in the top 1% of dudes any guy would want to trade places with.

This all being said, he was absolutely stoned during the game vs the Seahawks on Sunday night. He’s already gotten plenty of shit from the media for his complete botch of kicking a field goal on 2nd & 15, but I legitimately think he was high during that game… hear me out.

If this happened to any other NFL coach I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that they’re absolutely fucking blazed. But there’s no way Kliff doesn’t light up off and apparently on the field.

First piece of evidence… Cards are down 10 with like 6 minutes left. The Cards are running the ball with absolutely no urgency. It ended up working, but taking your god damn time and running the clock down to 2 minutes before scoring a td when Russell Wilson now just has to get 2 first downs to win the game is madness. Kliff actually might’ve thought it was the third quarter, only explanation (he’s high).

Now in OT, the Cardinals are driving after they finally get a stop vs Russ. Chase Edmonds is running untouched on every run and they get down to the 23. Kliff Kingsbury runs a bizarre play with a Kyler rush that loses some yards. I guess he was trying to get it to the left hash, which Zane Gonzalez likes kicking from, but you just gave back 5 yards.

No right minded man makes this decision to kick a 41 yard field goal on 2nd & 15 unless you’re super paranoid (high) that you’re gonna fumble. Also, you’re trusting a dude named Zane. No Zane in the history of Zane’s has been reliable. Zane’s the dude that you knew in high school that probably has a drug problem now.

Also, he trots out the field goal unit late and they have to rush to try to get the play off. So a simple solution for Kliff… Ice your own kicker. That’s absolutely a high thought if I ever heard one. “Duuuuude, what if I iced my own kicker right now”. “Like, he’ll have more time to like focus on the kick what if it makes him even better”

Nope, icing the kicker actually does work. It’s why almost every coach does it. 81% vs 68% field goal percentage is pretty sizable especially in the biggest moment of your season in OT vs the Seahawks.

Also, why not run the clock down in OT?? There’s only 2:45 left in the game why are you giving Russ more time to win the game once Zayn misses the kick. Kliff thought overtime was almost over cause it was the longest 7 minutes and 15 seconds of his life (he’s high).

Zayn Gonzalez is also a drastically better kicker from 30-39 yards than 40-49. You’d think Kliff would know this, but his mind was obviously elsewhere. In his career Zane Gonzalez is just 64% from 40-49 yards, but he’s 87.5% from 30-39 yards. Seems kind of important.

Alright, but just maybe he’ll run a few more plays, get the rhythm going, get some more yards and then send “Zane” back out. Nope he keeps his boy Zane out and he pulls the field goal. Cards get bailed out with a win and redemption for Zayn.

Kliff doesn’t give a fuck, lights up, and the Cardinals are casually a really good team… I guess he’s got it all figured out.

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